The Entertainer trick for social anxiety
What if I told you I had a way to strike up conversations with strangers that worked most of the time and when it didn’t work there was no shame, no embarrassment and you didn’t make a fool of yourself?
Let me explain.
When I was in college I didn’t know what bipolar disorder was or that I had it. I would go back and forth between such bulletproof manic confidence that I would make a game out of meeting strangers in unusual ways and an anxious wreck who could barely leave his dorm room.
When I was on the down end of the bipolar teeter totter I didn’t understand why I couldn’t go out and be like my “usual” self. I forced myself out anyway, when I could, and I experimented with ways to get more comfortable talking even though I really didn’t want to. Because I found being the social guy very satisfying I felt like it was a solution to how I felt. (It wasn’t always but that is a topic for another post)
After some experimentation I figured out what I believed to be the best low pressure way to start conversations with people.
I started street performing in my early twenties and used it to help gather crowds and start my show.
When I am hired to do walk around magic I use this to approach groups.
Are you ready? This is gonna sound silly but I will tell you how it works.
All you have to do is make an obvious observation in an appreciative tone.
I met one of my closest friends in college on a public bus by saying, “THAT is a red sweater.” She almost immediately began telling me how she got it in Singapore, a week later I was taking her to her first Thanksgiving Dinner…. At Denny’s. Hey, I was in college.
When I am on the street trying to gather a crowd I key in on men with facial hair, “Now THAT is a beard” , “Now THAT is a mustache.” Etc. Most of the time they will nod, smile and ask me when my show starts. A lot of the time whoever they’re with will laugh AND STOP TO WATCH THE SHOW!
It sounds really silly but it works most of the time and when it doesn’t there’s very little pressure on anybody. You simply stated what you saw, you didn’t ask them for anything. Bare minimum they say “Yup” or “Thank you”. I can honestly say there has never been a moment I regretted trying this.
The key is the appreciative tone. Make an obvious observation with an appreciative tone and it feels like a compliment without being creepy.
When I am working and not feeling one hundred percent I will just make observations to people walking by to warm up my “talking to people”
Remember, keep it simple, obvious observations.
Now THAT’S a red shirt.
Now THAT’S a hat.
Now THAT’S a dog.
It does work with some variation but no need to get complicated. My favorite twist on this is when I see a big dog.
That’s not a dog, that’s a HORSE!
I know it sounds silly, but try it. If you’ve ever struggled with social anxiety like I have its a great tool to crack the seal on being social. Also remember, in a lot of situations you’re not the only one feeling anxious, you breaking the ice with this super simple idea gives the other person permission to talk to you! And in my experience a lot of the time they will jump for the chance to feel social, especially near the buffet line.
